Not Quite Good Enough
by why-is-it-always-spiders
Summary: After coming back from being undercover, Jake is having a harder time adjusting than anyone realizes. Meanwhile, Amy struggles with her feelings for her partner.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So, I just recently got into Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and I absolutely love it. It's amazing. However, I wasn't really satisfied with the way they glossed over all the undercover stuff, I mean, don't you think someone who spent 6 months being undercover in the mob would have some emotional trauma to deal with? So here's my take on a little more on an in-depth look of Jake's return back to normal life at the nine-nine. Hope you like it! (also, I don't own any part of B99)**

Boyle ran into the precinct barely able to contain himself. Amy tried not to roll her eyes as he insisted they go through with the prank he had planned, when she knew he would not be able to carry it out once his best friend was once again in the building. But, she understood his excitement, she was excited too…the precinct had been noticeably calm and boring without Jake around. He was always the one to make people laugh or relieve tension with his lame jokes or shenanigans. Although she was reluctant to admit it, she had missed her partner quite a lot.

But she was also nervous. Right before he left, Jake had dropped a big truth bomb in his typical Peralta fashion, admitting his feelings for her right before disappearing from her life for 6 months. She had stood there in the parking lot for a long time after he left, gaping in stunned silence for quite some time before she even realized that Jake had left and she hadn't said anything. She hadn't even told him to be safe, or not to be stupid, or not to annoy any major crime bosses. _Or,_ she thought _, tell him that I felt the same way…_ She shook her head to clear away those bothersome thoughts. She was with Teddy. And she loved Teddy. Well, at least she had told him she did, when she got home that same day Jake left and he told her that he loved her. She wasn't sure if she had said it back to reassure Teddy, who had been asking her all night if she was alright, or if she said it to reassure herself of her choices.

Either way, she was with Teddy, and Jake was back, and everything would go back to normal. She hoped.

Right about then, Jake swaggered into the bullpen announcing his return, and to no one's surprise, Boyle forgot all about his prank and practically flung himself his best friend. And while everyone else was a little slower to gather around, it was clear that everyone as happy to see him back, even Captain Holt. Amy hung back a little bit, just enough that she wouldn't have to make eye contact with Jake. While Rosa was busy catching him up on the drama he missed, (which wasn't a whole lot, he was always the one causing trouble), she took a good look at her partner. He looked pretty healthy, considering the amount of stress he must have been under. She could tell he was a bit thinner than he was when she last saw him, and she could've sworn she saw him favoring his left side just a bit, as if some old injury was still a bit of a nuisance. Overall, he looked like the same old Jake Peralta, with the same smirk/grin that had been such a thorn in her side since she started at the nine-nine. She wondered what he must have gone through during his time undercover. She had read the arrest reports, and some of the things these guys had been put away for made her shudder. She couldn't even imagine the kinds of things he must have seen.

Suddenly, she realized he was at her desk, and when she looked up at him she could see in his eyes that he was nervous and uncomfortable.

"Could we maybe talk in private?" He asks, gesturing to the evidence locker. She smiled nervously and nodded, following him to what she was sure was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. He shut the door and spun around to face her, and she was sure he could hear her heart beating as he regarded her.

"So, I have to ask…" He began, and she felt her stomach start to twist as he trailed off dramatically. "Did you really arrest a perp named Joe Uterus?"

She breathed out a sigh of relief and forced a laugh. "Yes! Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't tell you…" She tries to focus on the awkward conversation instead of the way he looks with his hair longer. He takes a deep breath and this time, she can tell what's really on his mind.

"But, also, I know we left things kinda weird…you know, we saying that I liked you…"

"I'm still with Teddy," she cut him off in a gentle tone, but didn't miss the hurt flicker through his eyes before he switched into cocky Jake, telling her he didn't mean it and that he was simply nervous about going undercover. For some odd reason, she found herself a little hurt by his words, though she staunchly ignored those feelings and focused on talking about Joe Uterus, which wasn't as whole lot better.

The rest of the day, Jake and Charles were off doing who knows what, and Amy and Rosa were forced to endure the Captain's drills with the Sargent. The frustrating interruptions were enough to distract her from the weirdness she was feeling about her conversation with Jake earlier. She was able to go almost the entire work day without seeing his face in that split second before he hid everything behind his mask of humor and jokes. But when she was getting ready to go home she couldn't help but see in her mind the look of hurt, and rejection, and pain that had been in his eyes. She knew he was dealing with a lot, and that it most likely wasn't all her rejection that would cause such a look, but she still found she couldn't quite believe that he meant it when he said that he didn't actually want something to happen between them, "romantic stylez".

Before she could shake those thoughts from her head, she saw Jake and Charles returning from whatever case they had been working that day. She stopped in her tracks. She had never seen Jake look so…defeated, yet there he was, slumping into his chair and releasing a sigh that was very unlike him. She shot Boyle a worried look, and he waved her on, communicating that he had got it under control, so she slipped out of the bullpen and walked to her car, though she couldn't stop worrying about Jake.

She felt guilty when she met Teddy for dinner before Jake's surprise party, because she was so distracted that after the third time of asking if she was ok, Teddy asked if she would rather just cut dinner short and offered her a ride to the bar. She got there just in time to see Jake's very fake surprised reaction (who was it that put Boyle in charge of getting him there again? I mean, seriously?) and hear the Captain's speech (if you could call it a speech). She noticed that while Jake was mingling and seemed to be having fun, he was also hanging back, and wasn't trying to get all the spotlight, which was uncharacteristic of him, especially considering it was a whole party in his honor. She watched him from her bar stool, and couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't really as ok as he seemed.

Not long after Jake walked up to her and offered her a drink. "Captain said only two drinks, but he didn't put a price limit! Smort!" he pointed to his head in a very Jake-esque fashion. The drink was, of course, disgusting. But Amy could tell that the olive juice aftertaste wasn't the only thing making him grimace.

"Hey, so listen, the thing I said to you before I went undercover, about how I wished something had happened between us romantically, that wasn't nothing. That was real."

Oh. Well, crap. After making sure he knew she was with someone, she couldn't help but wonder if she had just made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She sat in a corner booth nursing her second beer as she brooded. Most of the people had gone home by now, only a few partiers remained. Terry was crying loudly and talking about yogurt, while Gina was hollering at him to take his shirt off. Rosa had left with Marcus earlier, and Boyle had been taken home by the captain after he tried to go to sleep on the floor of the bathroom. A few other people were straggling in the bar still as well. However, she didn't notice the one who was currently occupying her thoughts until he plopped down next to her on the seat.

"You're sure out late, Santiago," he squinted at her, and she could tell he was definitely drunk. "I'm surprised Teddy hasn't come to pick you up. He should be worried. I'm worried." His demeanor suddenly changed, he slumped over and she could see his eyes take on a far away, haunted look.

"I'm worried," he repeated, and she knew he was no longer talking about her. "What's the matter, Jake? Why are you worried?" she leaned in and peered at him in concern. He really did look terrible. In the dusky bar lighting, the bruises he got from Boyle and the dark circles under his eyes were very pronounced.

"Freddie's still out there. I didn't catch him. I couldn't…I couldn't catch him…" She can tell he feels guilty for not being able to catch the last mafia man, but before she could try to offer words of comfort, he continued.

"He was the worst of them, you know," he said softly. She took his hand as a silent encouragement to continue. "They all were bad, but Freddie? He was the worst…he did things, horrible things, that he should be locked up for, just like the rest of them…" he seemed as if he was trying to make himself smaller now, and his voice got softer as he continued. "I saw things…I _did_ things…" He squeezed his eyes shut, unable to get the words out. Amy grabbed his hand in both of hers, and his head snapped up and he looked up at her suddenly. She saw in his eyes the guilt that was tormenting him.

"Amy…" he whispered, his voice hoarse, "they made me one of them. They said..." his voice broke, and he squeezed his eyes shut again, but this time she could see the tears start to fall. "They said I was one of them. I did so much more than fix a boxing match…" he trailed off again, and she knew that the only reason he was telling her this was because of how drunk he was.

"Come on, Jake," she said softly, tugging on his arm as she stood up. "let's get you home."

"No!" he cried, and yanked her back to the table with almost painful force. "I can't sleep there…I can't sleep anywhere…" his voice sounded so broken, so scared and almost child-like, that it broke Amy's heart. She took his other hand into hers as well, and turned so she was facing him.

"Jake," she said gently, "look at me." He turned his gaze up to meet her eyes, almost guiltily.

"You are not like them. You are not a bad guy, Jake…it's ok…" she spoke evenly, trying to be gentle but forceful enough to get through his inebriated mind. He shook his head.

"No, Amy, you don't understand…I had to prove I was one of them, I had to get them to trust me…" He pulled away from her and turned as if to leave, but she grabbed his arm to stop him.

"You did what you had to do," she reminded him. "You saved a lot of lives." She wasn't sure if he could even hear her, but he just pulled his hand out of hers and started to walk away.

"Jake wait!" She jumped up out of the booth and took his arm gently. "Let me take you home, ok?" He just nodded, and let her guide him outside.

She got a cab and helped him inside. She told the driver Jake's address, and then turned back to watch him while the drove in silence. Once the got to his apartment, she made sure he made it in safely, and was about to leave when she noticed he was wincing.

"What's wrong?" she asked, hurrying over to him to see if he was hurt.

"It's nothing," he waved her hands away. "Just had a few cracked ribs while back. They haven't quite healed yet. Also the booze is starting to wear off."

She frowned in concern. "Cracked ribs? What did you do?"

"S'nothing," he said, waving her away again. "Don't worry about it. You should get home to Teddy. He's probably worried."

She eyed him skeptically, but he gestured to the door as he lowered himself onto the couch. "Go, Santiago. I'm fine, really. Thanks for the ride home."

Reluctantly, she went to the door. She turned around to say one last thing, but it looked as if he was already passed out on the couch. She locked and shut the door behind her, and went home.


	2. AN (sorry!)

**Hey all! I am so very sorry I haven't updated at all, I've been crazy busy with school. But I'm on summer break now! I'm working on the next chapter right now, it should be up soon! Thank you so much for all of your reviews and favorites! I'm so glad you like my story. You guys are the best!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in a very very long time, I'm sorry for that! I am in nursing school and I have very little free time these days :P Anyways thank you all for the kind reviews! Just a side note, the plot of the story takes a different direction that the show did, so from here on out it isn't cannon, just what I think should have happened ;)**

Amy was fully prepared for the awkwardness that she was sure would ensue the next morning. She tried to quell the sick feeling in her stomach as she watched the squad enter the precinct one by one, nearly all of them looking slightly hung-over and a little worse for the wear. Gina was wearing her oversized sunglasses and lying on her arms on her desk, and when Hitchcock dared to ask her a question she snapped at him with even more sting than usual, and Amy saw Terry grimace and pop several Advil out of the corner of her eye.

Unsurprisingly, Jake strolled in late. What surprised Amy was the look in his eyes as he stepped off the elevator…it was the same haunted look she had seen the night before, but the exhaustion in his step seemed even more pronounced. He made eye contact with her, and instantly his demeanor changed. Instantly, the tired look was gone, replaced by a smirk and a mask so good, she almost doubted what she had seen. Almost. She didn't miss the stiff way he still seemed to be favoring his side, even as he called out to Gina in a loud voice asking how her morning was going, his grin growing wider as Gina tried to throw her tape dispenser at him.

As he sat down at his desk, Amy found herself marveling at the act she knew he was putting on. The Jake she knew was, at best, mediocre at faking things. Despite his protests, he wore his heart on his sleeve, and over the years of being partnered with him Amy had become well versed in the art of reading Jake. The man in front of her, however, puzzled her. The ease with which he switched on his usual Jake persona troubled her, and not for the first time she found herself wondering what he could have possibly been through the past six months.

"Trying to take in the view? I know it's been a while since you've had a desk mate so handsome," Jake smirked at her, and Amy realized that she had been staring at him as her thoughts wandered. She struggled to pull herself together and smiled sarcastically at him.

"I was just trying to figure out how you are going to break the news to your mother that you got your ears pierced," she quipped, hoping that it would distract him enough to forget she was staring.

"What? These are great!" Jake grabbed at his earing in earnest, noting Amy's snort and the look on her face.

"Are they not? They're horrible, aren't they?" He was still smiling in that Perralta way, and Amy almost forgot that he wasn't back to normal as she laughed.

"Definitely horrible." She agreed, and laughed again as he removed the garish jewelry from his ears.

"So…" she tried to fish for a way to enter into a conversation without trying to push too hard. "Velvet sweat suits, huh?"

She knew the jab would get him going. Once they had investigated a B&E at a high end boutique, and he had spent most of the time ranting about the atrocity that he thought velvet was, gagging dramatically every time he brushed up against a velvet garment (which was often, that store had velvet _everywhere_ ).

She smiled and listened to him rant about the atrocity that is velvet track suits, and took the opportunity to once again study him. He seemed to be keeping it together rather well, and she found herself feeling impressed by his ability to pull himself together enough to act like he was fine. The squad needed him more than he ever realized, and during his six-month absence they all found themselves surprised to discover this.

While Jake was gone, it had certainly been quieter in the precinct. Boyle had kept to himself, with no one to go on crazy escapades with. Rosa had become even more closed off than she already was, because it had always been Jake who could best coax her out of her armored walls and convince her that being a part of a team was actually a good thing. Gina had put on a good front, but it wasn't hard to see that she was worried about her childhood friend. Even Capitan Holt had been affected by Jake's absence, as seemed almost disappointed to no longer have someone defying and challenging him. He became more like the Captain he was when he had first arrived in the 99, strict and no-nonsense, as Jake had always been the one to win him over and bring out the side of him that would play along.

Amy found herself wondering if Jake had any idea the effect he had on all of them. She doubted it. He talked a good game, but deep down Amy knew he had deep-rooted insecurities, and tended to always underestimate himself. _Unlike Teddy_ , she thought with a grimace. Teddy was the type of person who was overly confident. He often boasted about his detective skills and the various other things he took pride in (which included way too much mention of Pilsners). Amy was naturally a very competitive person, so at first she had found this part of him abrasive, but it had been long enough now that she only found it annoying and, quite frankly, ridiculous. She knew that she had scored far better on the detective's exam than he had. She was pretty sure Jake had, too, but she never had been able to figure out what Jake's score actually was. She only knew that it was impressive enough to make Captain Holt's eyebrows raise briefly when he was reading Perralta's file, which had to mean something.

Amy frowned as she realized that her thoughts had once again wandered to comparing Jake and Teddy. Before she could scold herself too thoroughly, however, the captain called her and Jake into his office, giving them a new case that appeared to be a B&E gone wrong.

"We don't know much," Holt reported as he handed the file over, "only that there is a body." Jake snatched the file from his hand and made a comment about it being a major bummer for the dead guy, but a good day for them, and bounced out of Holt's office to grab his gun. Amy started to follow when Holt stopped her.

"Santiago…" She turned and saw that he looked worried. Or, at least, as worried as Captain Holt could look.

"Make sure you keep an eye on him." Holt gave her a look that said that he knew, or at least perceived, a lot more than he was letting on.

She nodded. "I'll be sure to watch his back, Captain…I'll make sure he's ok." Holt gave her a slight nod, and she knew she was dismissed.

The ride to the crime scene was full of Jake goofing off and trying to make Amy laugh, which he succeeded in doing. She felt herself smiling more than she had in a long time, and thinking to herself that it felt like things were back to normal again, the way they were before.

All of that changed, however, when they arrived. Jake swaggered onto the scene in typical Perralta fashion, but as soon as he caught sight of the body he froze, going rigid. Amy was only a step behind him, and she too froze once she saw what had him so upset.

The report had failed to mention that the victim had been just a kid, no more than 17 years old. Cases with kids were always difficult, but as Amy watched her partner out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that this was effecting him even more than it normally would. He was frozen in place, staring at the kid's face with a stony, unreadable expression.

She reached over and touched his arm, intending to ask if he was ok. As soon as he felt her touch, Jake's head snapped up, his expression all business. He pulled away from Amy and she watched as he started barking out orders.

"Alright people," he said, gaining the attention of all of the crime techs and officers at the scene, "If I know anything about the mob, which I do, I know that this looks like their type of hit. Start searching the cabinets, closets, and the fridge for hidden drawers and compartments for drugs or the getaway stash. I know you haven't found an ID yet, but you don't have to worry about it…"

Jake trailed off and looked down again at the body, his voice dropping slightly lower as he spoke again. "This is Jeff Figurola. He worked for Freddie."

Jake raised his head again, becoming ever more serious than before.

"No mistakes, people. Take your time and do this right. Don't leave any stone unturned."


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone for all the kind reviews and follows! I will try to update more frequently :)**

Everyone immediately got to work, as Jake continued to bark out orders. The seriousness in his tone was disconcerting to the crime team, and they began busting about the crime scene to do their jobs. Amy started towards Jake, but stopped as she realized that his hands were shaking. She started to say something, reaching out to put her hand on his arm. Before she could, Jake brushed past her and went into the other room. She sighed as his strangely authoritative tone echoed back to her from the next room, and turned to complete her usual thorough and meticulous observations of the scene.

Amy found herself sucked in to her work as her focus tunneled onto the body and scene before her. After a while, however, she began to feel a nagging feeling in her gut that something was out of place. Looking up, she suddenly realized that Jake was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, she stood up from where she had been squatting and wiped her palms on her pants, a nervous habit. She searched the entire apartment, but was unable to find her boisterous partner anywhere.

Her concern mounting, she stepped out into the hall to search the hallway, where she finally found him. He was sitting on the ground with his knees to his chest, and as she jogged over to where he was she could hear his ragged, gasping breaths.

Quickly squatting down next to him, Amy put her hands on his shoulders and gripped him tightly. "Jake…Jake, look at me...follow my breathing, see how I'm breathing? Just follow what I'm doing, ok?" she spoke in a low tone that sounded far more strong and confident than she felt, but after a minute it seemed to be working.

Jake's head snapped up and his eyes zeroed in on her face, but he appeared to be seeing right through her. He reached up and grabbed her arms and gripped them tightly, and she could feel his fingernails digging into her skin through her blouse as he clutched at her desperately, his arms still trembling.

She continued to exaggeratedly breathe in and out until his gasping slowly evened out to deep, shaky breaths, and Amy nearly sank to the ground in relief. There had been several times during their partnership where the situation had been reversed. Amy's anxiety and OCD would sometimes accumulate into a full-blown panic attack, and each time Jake had patiently talked her through it and calmed her down.

No one else on the squad really knew about that part of Amy, save for Captain Holt. Jake, however, was her partner, and spent enough time with her to understand her in ways that amazed her at times. He was always able to tell when she was heading towards panic, and was surprisingly good at talking her back down and helping her.

The first time it had happened was very early on in their partnership. They had been working nonstop on a kidnapping case of a little girl who looked way too much like Amy's niece and was taking way too long to find. Neither of them had slept more than a few hours on the breakroom couch the last three days, and Amy had never seen Jake so serious and focused about anything. They finally found her, somehow working out the pieces roughly around 2am and springing into action, resulting in a work day that did not end until well into the afternoon. Amy had been keeping it together fairly well, and she had been feeling proud of herself for that fact. However, once everything was processed and the little girl was finally able to go home with her teary eyed, very appreciative mother, she had stopped to hug both Jake and Amy, whispering a quiet thank you as she did, and that was just about all Amy could take.

She tried channeling the writhing ball of anxiety and nerves in her stomach into her paperwork, but after cleaning and reorganizing her desk several times, she finally gave up and retreated to the roof, where she collapsed in the corner and broke down.

Jake had found her, and had stumbled his way through helping her calm down, holding her close and taking to her softly and telling her that it was alright until she was able to breathe again and the world had stopped spinning. Amy had found out later that after that day, he had researched extensively and learned how to cope with a panic attack, and to this day it was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for her.

Amy shook away the thoughts and memories that had momentarily distracted her, and looked down at her partner. Jake was now sitting, staring at his still-shaking, fidgeting hands and looked somewhat ashamed.

"You ok?" she asked softly. She knew it was a stupid question, but she asked anyway. He looked up and met her eyes guiltily, twisting his face into a wry grin that didn't reach his eyes.

"Guess it was time for some payback, huh?" he said, looking back down at his hands.

"Jake," Amy began, but he waved her off and began to stand up.

"It's cool, Ames," he said in a tone that could almost pass as flippant. "I freaked out a little cause yeah…I knew the kid. I stuck my neck out for him coupla times. I really thought he might be turning his life around. I was just talking to him the day before yesterday…" Jake trailed off, his eyes pooling with a dark uneasiness that Amy had never seen before.

"He was just a kid," he whispered brokenly. He turned his head to look away, but not before Amy saw the tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill over. She touched his arm gently, taking it as a good sign that he did not flinch or try to shrug her off.

"I'm so sorry Jake," she said softly. "Can I take you home?" She started ushering him towards the elevator, her heart breaking as she noticed the blank, hollow look in his eye. The elevator ride was silent as each detective became wrapped up and lost in their own thoughts. Amy nearly jumped when Jake broke the quiet.

"Let's just go back to the precinct," he said, his voice so quiet and un-Jake like that for a moment Amy thought she imagined it.

"Are you sure? I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Amy looked over at her partner, taking in his sagging posture and the dark circles under his eyes, frowning as he raked his hands through his hair. Jake squeezed his eyes closed.

"Please, Amy…I just need to start working on this case. I owe it to him, I need to do this…please…"

Amy signed deeply. "Fine," she agreed softly, "but you have to go home at a reasonable time tonight."

Jake gave a humorless snort and exited the elevator without a word, Amy following behind him with a worried frown.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hello lovely people! Thank you again for all the kind words and the follows! I was away for a week with no wifi, but I was able to get a lot of writing done, so hopefully updates will be more frequent!**

The drive back to the precinct had been weird. Jake had tried to act like everything was normal, joking around and trying his hardest to annoy Amy, but it felt so forced that Amy couldn't bring herself to be annoyed. Amy had barely put the car in park before Jake leapt out, yelling something about getting to work as he ran off to the elevator. Amy smiled, realizing that the boundless enthusiasm that was Jake seemed to be genuine.

Despite Amy's earlier stipulation, they both ended up working until almost an hour and a half past the end of their shift. Jake had been busy non-stop, making calls and scribbling notes that Amy doubted even he would be able to decipher. He had muttered something about bringing in people to interview when Amy asked what he was working on, and she decided not to press it.

An hour before their shift ended, Captain Holt called her into his office, his deep voice even more quiet and serious than usual as he asked Amy to shut the door behind her.

"Officer Dublin filled me in on the details of the case," Holt said, his face even more stoic than usual. "How is Peralta handling it? I am sure that he would have connected with the young man."

Amy frowned, not knowing if it would be betraying her partner's confidence if she told the captain about Jake's panic attack. Holt seemed to sense her uncertainty.

"Despite my better judgement, I am not going to pull him off the case. I believe Peralta is in need of some closure, and if he can handle it, I believe this might be the closure he needs. But you are closer to the situation than I am, Santiago…is this something he can handle?"

Amy could sense in his voice that Holt was just as worried about her partner as she was, even if he did a better job at hiding it. She sighed, deciding that it would be better if she could talk to someone about her worries regarding Jake, and that Holt would be the perfect candidate to do so.

"He had a panic attack at the crime scene," she admitted finally, watching the captain's face for any sign of surprise or of concern. He merely nodded, gently encouraging her to continue, his face revealing nothing.

"He was able to take control of the crime scene, and he was insistent that everyone be incredibly thorough. The crime techs were just finishing up when I noticed he was gone…it didn't affect his work in any way, sir," she added, glancing up at Holt's face again. It still betrayed nothing of what the captain was thinking, but he was looking at her in a kind way, encouraging her to continue.

"He knew the kid well, sir…it really rattled him. Apparently he had just spoken to him recently, he was trying to get him to turn his life around."

At this, the captain gave a small, fond smile, and Amy too found herself feeling that Peralta had been doing a good thing in reaching out to the kid.

"Do you know that even after his promotion to detective, Peralta is still frequently called in for 51/50's?" Holt asked. Amy frowned, thinking back over the years and realizing that there had in fact been several times that Jake had been called in by another precinct (or even their own) to a 51/50 scene. Holt continued.

"It seems that Peralta, for all his childish immaturity, is quite skilled at making a personal connection with those in distress. Captain Vickers of the 68 has mentioned to me on multiple occasions that he is amazed at how quickly Peralta can set them at ease and diffuse the situation. Surprisingly, it is not a skill that Peralta likes to advertise. It is very easy to underestimate him."

Amy mused over this information, agreeing with the fact that most people, herself included, underestimated Jake very easily due to his immaturity and loud persona.

"There is far more to Peralta than what is easily discerned," Holt began. He hesitated for a moment, then added, "I have no doubt that this case will be very difficult for him. I also have no doubt that he will never admit it should this case become _too_ difficult. That is where I leave it to you. I trust that you will be able to help him through this," he paused again, and Amy could feel her curiosity rising as she sensed his hesitation.

"In order to do so, and to best understand the background that Peralta has on this case, I feel it necessary to show you this." Holt turned his laptop around so Amy could see the screen, and her breath caught in her throat as she saw the image there.

"I know Peralta never wanted anyone of you in the 99 to see this," Holt said quietly, "so it is best that you do not let on that you have. That being said, I feel that as his partner on this case, I believe that it is necessary for you to see. It should give you a better understanding of the situation. Particularly, Peralta's situation. Do you think you can keep this between us?"

Amy looked back at the image on the screen. It was a video that had been paused, the format similar to the videos filmed during an interrogation. Sitting the in the middle of the frame was Jake, though if Amy hadn't known him as well as she did, she would have been unable to recognize him. His face was covered in bruises, all mottled and blossoming in a variety of colors. There was dried blood on a nasty cut near his hairline, and his lip had been split open and appeared to be sluggishly bleeding still. He was holding himself very carefully, as if sitting up straight was too painful, but he was trying to anyway. The worst part by far, however, was the broken, wild look in his eyes. It was what Amy had been catching glimpses of the last few days, tenfold. It was the look of a lost young man who had been stripped of his innocence. Amy looked up and met Holt's eyes. _Eyes closed, head first, can't lose._

"I want to see it." She whispered. Amy felt sick to her stomach as Holt pressed play.


	6. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for the kind words! Here's the next chapter :)**

The time stamp in the corner of the screen displayed a date that was a few weeks before the infamous wedding bust. Amy frowned, realizing that this meant Jake was still undercover at the time of the tape. She squinted at the screen, trying to place the setting, and her eyes widened as she recognized one of their own holding cells.

Her frown deepening, she tried to think back to that week, wondering how in the world Jake had been in their precinct and none of them had known about it. Her eyes widened again as she remembered hearing about how the night shift had busted a small scale human trafficking ring, but that the name of the mob involved was under strict need-to-know basis.

"How…" she began, but Captain Holt cut her off with a finger to his lips, gesturing with his head back to the screen. Up until that point, Jake had just been sitting in silence, with his eyes closed. Amy watched as the door to the cell was flung opened, and the man she vaguely remembered as Peralta's handler swept into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Jake didn't even open his eyes.

"What the hell, Peralta?" the handler, who's name Amy thought might have been Jones, growled through clenched teeth. Jake opened his eyes and yawned exaggeratedly.

"Oh, there you are Jonesy. I was wondering when you would be bothered to show up." Jake grinned at the fuming man in front of him, but it was slightly different than the usual mischievous smirk he often flashed at Captain Holt. This grin was tinged with something else, which after a beat Amy realized with surprise was contempt.

"You're lucky I'm not going to just leave you here to rot for that stunt you pulled back there. You really think I wouldn't know it was you? Damn it, Peralta, I told you we had bigger fish to fry! Couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? No, you just _had_ to be the hero, didn't you?" Jones sneered with obvious contempt of his own. Jake's face twisted into an angry scowl.

"Bigger fish to fry?" Jake's voice was dangerously low. "They were _kids_ , you bastard. _Children_. And you were just going to sit on your ass and watch them be treated like that! I know you don't care, you made that clear, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sit there and watch Leo sell children like they were worthless animals."

Jones slammed his fist on the table, and Amy jumped. Jake didn't even blink. "You worthless punk," he snarled, leaning in close to Jake's face. "Do you have any idea how much money has been sunk in this sorry operation? Do you realize how close you came to blowing our cover and sinking this whole damn thing?"

Jake's face had remained blank as his handler got up in his face, staring straight ahead at the reflective wall. At the last accusation hurled at him, his face morphed into another twisted scowl that surprised Amy. She had never seen a look like that on Jake's face, so full of anger and hate. It made her uneasy to see her normally goofball of a partner look so scary and intense.

" _Our_ cover?" he said quietly, his voice sounding raw and dangerous. "You mean _my_ cover. You've made it plenty clear that it's my ass on the line here, not yours. If I die you'll just have more paperwork to do and have to find another guy to replace me. You never tire of reminding me as much," sarcasm dripping from his words.

"Besides," he smirked, the mischievous twinkle in his eye a shade darker than Amy was used to. "It wasn't me. You have no proof. I heard some bodega owner snitched, though if he has any brains he'll ask for WITSEC. I was just one of Freddie's guys sent to take care of the problem, and I was brought in with the rest of them."

Jones' face had taken on a unique shade of red, the veins in his neck standing out as he clenched his fists.

"Don't think I'm going to pull you out of this one, Peralta," the agent growled through clenched teeth. "If you blew your cover with this stunt, don't expect me to help you."

Jake laughed, but it was a harsh sound that seemed to force its way out of his throat. "I can assure you, these idiots have no idea I was involved in this. As far as they're concerned, I'm one of them. You know the shit I've had to do. ' _You have to establish a cover, Peralta. Get them to trust you. Do what it takes.'_ " Jake was obviously quoting his handler, the distain clear in his mocking tone.

Amy was shocked. Jake had always had a weird way with authority figures, but never had Amy seen him be disrespectful or hold a CO in such contempt. It was clear that the feelings were mutual, from the face Jones made. Amy could hardly believe her eyes as she watched one of the best detectives she knew be completely belittled and degraded by his handler.

Jones held no punches, giving her partner a verbal lashing that she was shocked to hear from a CO. He mocked Jake, throwing in his face some of the things that he had obviously been forced to do. Amy felt sick to her stomach as the untold horrors of Jake's assignment were thrown mockingly in his face. Jake's face remained expressionless, but Amy knew her partner well enough to see that his handler's words were cutting deep. She felt her firsts clench in anger as she watched Jones continued to disparage her partner for doing things that Amy was sure he had no control over, all while he was too injured to even sit up straight. After several minutes of his tirade, the agent spat out the insult that Amy could tell cut the deepest.

"You think you're such a big shot, but let me tell you, sweetheart, you're no better than they are now. You've become one of them, through and through." His smirk faltered as Jake shot up, topping his chair over, his hands catching on the handcuffs Amy now noticed were shackling him to the table. His eyes burned with anger. Before he could deliver his scathing reply that Amy could tell was on his lips, the door to the interrogation room opened to reveal Captain Holt.

"Captain…" Jake immediately shifted to try to stand up straight, but grimaced and had to settle for a slightly slouched position.

"Peralta." Holt nodded at Jake, his face motionless but his eyes betraying a hint of warmth. He turned to Jones.

"If you're quite done," Holt began, frowning slightly, "Special agent Lee contacted me. He is more than pleased with the work Peralta has done and the information he has gathered. He requests that an end date be agreed upon." Jones started to interject, but the captain cut him off smoothly, looking back at Jake. "He requested that I ask you what you think, Peralta. You are the closet to the situation. Your input is most valuable." His voice has softened slightly, and Amy could tell that he had been watching the exchange behind the two-way mirror. Jake nodded slightly in acknowledgement of the captain's attempt to encourage him.

"There's a wedding. Three weeks from now, the whole family will be there. That will be your best opportunity to arrest everyone." His voice was low and flat. It had a mixture of relief, discouragement, and something else that Amy couldn't quite place, but it made her feel even worse.

Another two agents were brought in, and plans were solidified for the bust of the Iannuchi family. Jake participated little, only offering a comment when asked directly. His eyes held the lost, broken look in them that Amy had seen before.

The video stopped, and Amy and Captain Holt sat in the heavy silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Amy found her voice.

"Why did he look so horrible?" her voice was a rough whisper. "What did they do to him?"

The slight wrinkle between Holt's eyebrows deepened slightly. "There had been a call tipping off the night shift about the location of a small human trafficking ring. By the time the police arrived with the FBI, a rival family had already ambushed them, and from what the report said, a large-scale brawl was occurring. Peralta was sent in as soon as Freddie Iannuchi heard of the ambush, along with a few others. By the time the police were able to break up the fight and arrest those involved, they all had taken quite a beating. Agent Jones also had no qualms being…rough…when apprehending Peralta. I was called by the sergeant on the night shift and informed of the situation, but the FBI wanted it to be kept as quiet as possible, for obvious reasons."

Amy frowned, and fought the urge to cry. She knew that Jake must have urged the informant to make the call at night, when he knew none of his friends would be on duty. She couldn't imagine how alone he must have felt. His only connection to the real world, his normal life, was a handler who obviously hated him. She knew that his mother had been told very little of his situation, only the bare bones of why he had been "fired," but she also knew that he was not supposed to contact her for her own safety.

Her heart broke for her friend. Jake was a very social person, and needed people around him who believed in him and encouraged him. He needed people to laugh at his jokes or play along with his schemes. It was clear now that during his time undercover, he had none of those things.

The rest of the shift, Amy felt like she was moving through a thick fog. Jake was so busy and caught up in his work that he hardly noticed her disappearing for 45 minutes in Holt's office. They both were too distracted to realize that they had worked past the end of their shift, until Amy got a call from Teddy asking when she was coming home. She shook off the haze clouding her thoughts and gathered her coat, looking over at the desk opposite hers.

"Jake," she said, waiting until he stopped writing and looked up at her. "You need to go home…its already past time."

He gave a wry, sad smile. "I can't believe you, Santiago. A whole hour and half past your self-declared deadline and you didn't even notice. I was expecting warnings every ten minutes. I'm very disappointed, I expected more from you." She rolled her eyes at him, just like she would have done before he went undercover.

"We were both on a roll, idiot, I didn't want to break our stride." She searched his face to make sure that he knew she was only teasing, and that she did not mean to actually insult him. He smiled his crooked half smile.

"I missed you keeping me in line, Santiago."

Amy laughed. "Who else is going to keep your big head from getting too inflated?" Her laugh fell flat and the sick feeling in her stomach had yet to go away.

Jake just smiled again, the same crooked smile he always reserved just for her.


End file.
